I feel compelled to share

Hey there,
I know, new post? So soon? Shocking.

I am having trouble falling asleep tonight so I thought I would just type away for a few. I wanted to share my heart with you on a few things I have been learning lately, about the Lord, about myself, and about life.

The last several months have been quite stressful, just to be honest. With a move, with a house still for sale that is in another state and needs upkeeping and has a mortgage, with moving into my inlaws house then my aunt's house, with thinking that we would be moving into my grandmother's house several months ago but it didn't work out, with my uncle dying very very suddenly, while grieving and also helping to be there for my widowed aunt whom we are living with....... I have begun to feel out of control. And I like to have control- let's be real here, who doesn't? Actually, the last couple of months have been so stressful that I believe my physical, emotional, spiritual.... every state has been affected. I have begun to feel like my world was caving in on me. I have not known what any day would hold, or what to expect from anything.

I have thought I have been near my breaking point. But God is gracious. And this is His story. His Hope. For His glory. I'm not at my breaking point. That is the truth. B/c God is in control.

God set me free of this enormous amount of worry, anxiety, and stress a few days ago. I was in the truck driving home one night with Brent. We were talking and something he said set me off (my temper has been a very short one here lately). I was so mad- now, ofcourse I don't remember why and it doesn't matter. He went to bed when we got to my aunt's and I worked out to relieve some frustration. After I had finished, I went upstairs and attempted to get out my Bible study I'm doing. I couldn't do it. I was so preoccupied and still mad about the situations of my life that I can't control, that I started writing a letter to God. An honest, still reverent b/c He's GOD, but truthful letter. And then I cried. A mad cry. And then I turned a page in my Bible study and came across Psalm 37 that I had written down previously (this is my 2nd time doing this Bible study). I opened my Bible and read it and burst into tears. God gave me those verses. The entire chapter, was His love song for my heart at this time.

I had a revelation that night. I am a worrier. Deep down within, when things get tough, I just worry my head off. And I think that is one reason these verses rang with me so deep. Verse 8 of Ps. 37 says to rid yourself of anger and do not worry- it ONLY leads to harm. Jesus tells us in Matthew 6 to not worry about tomorrow- each day has enough trouble of it's own. And I surrendered that gross idol- an idol I didn't really know fully existed within my heart- the idol of worry- to Jesus.

I apologized to Brent the next morning. Whatever he had said, it was not to hurt me. I just snapped and he happened to be the one that took the brunt of it. He, being such a sweet husband, wanted to hear about my time with the Lord the night before and had me read Ps. 37 to him, and commited to helping me live out my freedom in Christ- my freedom from the anxiety and worry that have been consuming me within.

That happened a week ago. I am now catching myself when I am excessively worrying. And I am able to think on it and let it go so much easier b/c I am aware of it and I know God is helping me.

Stressful times are always going to be there. But I am learning right now through this stressful time, that God is in control of my life. THAT'S who needs to be in control of my life b/c He created my life; He knows what is truly best for me. And since I have realized that this week and seen how it plays itself out when I relenquish control, in a strange way I feel like there is more control over my life and I'm not freaking out on the inside like I was.

I felt compelled to share this with you. Whatever storm or trial you may be going through, I hope you know I would be honored to pray for you but most of all, the Lord of Lords would be honored to be asked into your storm and take a burden off of you. B/c He deeply loves you. ♥